Should I stand and fight, or should I walk away? Do I speak up, or do I stay quiet? So many times in life we ask ourselves these questions. We see so much in social media, on the news, magazines, papers, ect. Everyone everywhere seems to be arguing, fighting, protesting, proving their point, who is right, who is wrong? It seems we have to make these decisions all the time. My question is how do we know when to speak up, when to stand and fight, when to stay or when to do the opposite of these? Most of the time, what we normally do is seek advise…call a friend, go to counseling, talk to your spouse or parents, we seek confirmation or approval from other humans. Others that are faced with the same dilemma all the time.
A few years ago, I was going through a very difficult time in my life, the lowest of lows. I had been hurt and could not understand in my mind how I was hurt so badly by someone I loved so much. So what did I do, I confided in a friend and talking about my situation my friend told me something that I had never thought of in this particular way and it was that “not everyone that we are close to think the same as we do, but we think that they do”. There is and old saying…Birds of a feather, flock together. We make connections and want to find friends and family that we “think” are just like us. We “think” that they have the same feelings, and see things the same way, like the same things we do and have the same morals and values that we have, but they don’t. Yes, they may lean along the same lines as we do, they may agree on a lot of the same things that we do, and even have a kindred spirit, but there is going to be disagreements sooner or later with even the closest of those we love. Even things such as morals and values are seen with a different view. When I started to see this clearly, it helped me to start healing. It helped me to see those around me as individuals and not group others together like I wanted them…just like me.
When we get hurt or have disagreements, or even when someone doesn’t see things from our perspective, usually our first inclination is to defend ourselves, “stand our ground” “prove our point” raise our voice and let it be known, or to fight back, it’s hard not to. But do we really have to? We think that if we can persuade someone to see things the way we do, that then we can connect with them, or it makes us feel closer. But is this really the case or are we just trying to keep control? Because a lot of the time the more control we feel we have of our environment the safer and more connected we feel.
Recently I was in a situation where I felt that I was being accused to something that was not true, that I did not do, it assaulted my character, and it hurt. I could not defend myself, I could not give a defense, I could not prove that I had not done the things I was being accused of, and that hurt me worse. I questioned myself, I asked those I loved, I looked for an answer to why someone would do this to me. So then I came to the question…should I stay or should I go? No one could give me the answer to this question, only I could make this decision. Why? Because only I could do what I needed to do. So, I did not fight, I did not argue, I did not stay, I walked away. I know that some in the same situation would have stayed and fought it out. Is either way right or wrong? Some time has passed now and I ask myself, did I make the right decision…as of this moment, I will say, yes! Do we sometimes make decisions and regret them, yes! We live and we learn, and unfortunately sometimes it is from our mistakes. Does that mean we failed, or that we are not worthy, or that our opinion does not matter, NO!
We are all so different, so unique in our own way, with so many different variables that have shaped us and made us who we are individually, I think we tend to forget this. Everyone says they want to be treated as an individual, but then we also want so badly sometimes to be accepted and feel a part of something, that WE group or socially isolate ourselves. “If you’re not on my team or in my group” or “if you’re not part of my social class” than your out! I don’t think we always mean, or intend to do this, but it just happens.
I have always heard the saying that “you can’t fix something if you don’t realize it’s broken”. We tend to hold on to ideals, and ways of doing things, just because they are comfortable to us or what we know. Kind of like that old pair of jeans that is stained, ripped, and worn out, you can’t wear them out, (or you shouldn’t) but you don’t want to throw them away. New ones are stiff and have to be broken in and are just a little uncomfortable, but those old ones were also once new.
The Bible say’s that there is a time and a season for everything, but do we take the time to stop and search out what we should or should not do when faced with decisions? Do we listen before we speak, do we look before we leap, do we take others into consideration before we pass judgement? Yes, no, right or wrong, only we can give the answer but remember, for every answer is an outcome. What will yours be?